“I don’t fit in anywhere”
Speaking from experience, feelings of loneliness, solitude and social anxiety are very serious, this writing isn’t to downplay any emotions anyone is going through. This is my personal take on what I’ve gotten from trying to fit in and I feel it can help anyone going through such things. I do not mean to offend anybody with my words. I wish anyone going through this the best.
Fitting in has and will always be one of humanity’s biggest needs. The feeling of belonging is natural and innate, every human feels the need to be accepted and appreciated by someone other than oneself. One shouldn’t feel strange for wanting to belong. However, in some cases this need to belong drives us to do what “should” be done to fit in. One “should” dress nicely, or talk a certain way, or listen to a certain type of music and by no means should one dislike something popular or else thou shall be stoned. This is very unhealthy and I personally believe that the word “should” is negative in this case.
We hear it day in and day out, use it indiscriminately and think the word as harmless enough. But is it? Take a look at the second definition of the word.
Indicating a desirable or expected state
Where’s the harm in this? At face value it’s just a simple definition, but picking it apart it’s so much more. Me being the rebellious, stubborn, hard-headed soul I am asks a lot of questions. Questions with answers, questions without answers. This question probably doesn’t have a very good answer, or not one I’ve encountered yet. And that question is…
Why Should I?
There’s a multitude of reasons for anything and everything, but when I ask this question I get many different responses. If a child says “What if I don’t want to read?” What would a suitable response be? Will something short and sweet like “You need to read, everybody reads, it’s necessary.” Answer the question? Or maybe a long drawn out explanation on why reading is important be a better response? I don’t think either will answer the kid’s question. The kid can fully survive without learning to read, people do it all the time. There are even some successful people who can’t read. So why should he have to read?
Again, reading is a bigger life skill, so let’s break this down further. As a girl, why should you give up your last name? As a male, why should you propose on one knee? Why should you believe in God? Why should you pour your cereal before the milk?
That’s the thing, you don’t. You don’t have to do any of these things if you do not desire. You do not have to talk a certain way, like any type of music, dress any way to fit in if you do not desire. Have confidence in who you are and love yourself for who you are and people will flock towards you. If a woman wants to keep her last name, she will. The world around her may look down on her, but she herself will be happy for her choice and some people will even admire her for standing against society’s standards. You come into this world alone, you will leave alone. You’re all you’ve got at the end of the day and changing oneself for anyone that isn’t yourself is not a good use of time nor energy. No person, creed, religion, or law has the right to rob you of your happiness. Change will come from within and if it does happen, it will when one is ready to make that change.
Walk your own path for yourself and don’t worry about what others say for walking that path. You have the right to make your own decisions and reap the benefits or consequences of that decision yourself. If you feel something will make you happy, do it. You never truly know if it will work, but in your failures you’ll learn what’s needed for you. Take as many notes, read every letter of advice, take heed to warning and cautions of others as these are all tools that can help you on your journey. But do not let anything or anyone steer you away from doing something you want.
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